This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
