If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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