you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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