sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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