how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
