I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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