I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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