How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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