She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
