im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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