I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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