I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
