big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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