I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
