i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
