I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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