This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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