God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
