He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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