Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
