You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
