She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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