She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
