you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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