Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
