At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
