Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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