Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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