I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
