yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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