Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
