I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
