im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
