im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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