I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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