You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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