Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
