Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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