the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
