All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
