Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
