She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize