Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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