Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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