I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Two words: blizzard sex
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
