The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
