i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
