Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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