i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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