Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
