Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
