we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
