Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
