There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I forget how to act sober
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
