He asked to "fluff my boner.."
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
