Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
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YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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