Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
im on a boat
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