You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
