did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
