i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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