Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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