I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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