does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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